I’m thinking I’m not a shellfish person

I was off work yesterday, feeling poorly. I think it was my first sick day for 2008, I usually average one or two days off, but on the whole I’m fairly robust.

Even when I am sick I’m one of those “I’m not sick, I’ll be perfectly fine going into work.” It usually hits me that going into the office is not one of my best ideas around the point where I have to take a break from drying my hair and have a bit of a lie down. If drying my hair is too taxing…well, work is not an option.

I'm suspecting my illness was food induced as I had Dungeness crabs and shrimp on Sunday night and well - shellfish can be unfriendly little bastards that way can’t they - either I had something a bit dodgy or certain crustaceans just don't agree with me. I get queasy if I eat more than 4 scallops, I love them, but there’s something rich about them that turns my stomach if I eat more than an appetizer sized portion!! I've never eaten crab before other than prepared in salads and what not, so I wasn't aware of having a similar reaction, but perhaps that’s the case. In fact the more I think about it the more I think it is my own sensitivity since my pal had no such reaction.

“Oh I’m sorry you feel unwell” she sympathised. “It was great though, I loved it; we should go back there soon.”

Go back!!!! Not bloody likely!!

The evening wasn't a total loss though since I am now educated in the way of the crab. I can eat one without having to use a hammer to bust it open, not that I’m sure I’ll be eating one again, but y’know if I ever happen to be stuck on a crab infested desert island – ugh perish the thought – with a pan, a portable stove and some matches obviously. Rub two sticks together??? Are you kidding me - then I’m well versed in how to eat the little buggers. They have a little tab on the underside that you just pop up and then pull the top off. S'amazing; just like a can of coke. Messy though and a lot of work for not that much meat. Sickness aside I don’t have the patience for food I have to crack open – except for wine - although I do appreciate the calorie burning advantages. Do you think that eating crab is a negative calorie foodstuff like celery?

It was certainly negatively calorific for me!! Oh dear I felt rough!!

Aside from the whole sickness thing Monday was actually quite a nice day. I snoozed a bit and then lay in bed resting and reading between bouts of tea and hot buttered toast - my medication of choice when I'm feeling a bit peaky - and occasionally bothered Catweazle* with IM kisses. I'm almost through the memoir No Man’s Land written by fellow British expat Ruth Fowler. Although as a Cambridge educated writer turned stripper, her experiences of New York have differed significantly from my own. It's like she lives - or maybe lived, I'm not sure whether she’s still based in New York - in a different city to me.

To be honest I get a perverse sort of enjoyment out of being slightly ill. Well that’s not quite right, I don’t enjoy being ill, but I enjoy the forced relaxation necessary for the post illness recuperation when I feel absolutely no guilt whatsoever for lying in bed for the entire day and reading my book instead of doing the dishes. I can’t do that on a weekend. There’s always a little voice that says “shouldn’t you be at doing your laundry? Shouldn’t you make an effort to go to yoga class, burn some calories? Shouldn’t you….”

Nag nag nag nag nag!!

I’m more or less feeling better today. Not 100%. My stomach is still sufficiently sore from all the clenching and expelling of seafood on Sunday evening that I decided against a trip to the gym, but I’m much improved.

When I finally dragged my carcass out of bed on Monday to watch Bones – not the best show to watch in a fragile state. I almost lost my toast when Bones opened a package and someone had sent her kneecaps. Thoughtful!! – it was to discover that British light entertainment stars, Ant & Dec, were making their debut on US TV, hosting "Wanna Bet" on ABC.

What can I say; they still look as if they’re about 12years old. According to this LA Times article the pair were apparently ‘cagey about the right opportunity’ before taking the plunge on US TV, which makes me wonder what other tosh they must have been offered to have made this show sound promising. Seriously my IQ dropped 20points when that first bloke came on hula hooping a tire. Good Lord!! But then what do I know, I cannot stand American Idol either. Although at least ABC didn’t stoop so low as to subtitle the Geordie pair.

Seeing them on TV took me back to the time my former co-worker Valerie invited me to a taping of the TV show CD:UK; the Saturday morning music show they used to present with the other ex-pat Brit trying to make it big in the US of A, Cat Deeley.

“My friend Lisa is the floor manager and I’ve been dying to go. Will you come with me? It’s supposed to be for 14year olds, but you’re petite like me, you’ll pass”

I believe I was 27 at the time. I didn’t know whether to be flattered or offended.

The show was a bit of a non event to be honest; I couldn’t even tell you which bands performed. I have a vague recollection of seeing the New Radicals, but I could be making that up. My strongest recollection is of arriving fairly early at some airless studio on the South Bank, being surrounded by enormous teenagers and the studio absolutely honking!!! Phew!! Too many hormones and not enough deodorant, it was dis-gust-ing!!!

*Catweazle’s still on the scene in case you were wondering, I'm not really one for blabbing too much about my relationships. Unfortunately we probably won’t get to see each other for a couple of months. Long distance relationships aren’t the most convenient eh, but I’m seeing how it goes. Miles thinks I should ‘pop him in the "i'll let him do all the running and if I get another dirty weekend out of it I’m doing well" box, however given some statistic recently came out that 25% of New Yorkers have herpes - not THIS New Yorker I'll have you know - I think I'll take my chances with my STD free boy thank you very much!!