Monday, 7 January 2008

Decisions decisions

I don’t know about you, but when I’m in a fairly new relationship, the first time I spend a significant amount of time away from the guy I’m seeing – say the two weeks over Christmas – I can’t help but wonder what the impact might be on the relationship. Will it be a case of ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ or more ‘out of sight, out of mind’? Even when the relationship is seemingly going well I can’t help but wonder, especially when I have too much time on my hands as I did when I was at my parents. I’m my own worst enemy, but I can’t help it, my mind just whirls of its own accord…

Most of the time I'm nagged by the feeling that he might be having second thoughts about us, but once the paranoia starts all sorts of ridiculous things creep in, most likely due to the unpleasant behaviour of some of my ex-boyfriends...could he have fallen for someone else? Or perhaps he’s off comforting Cameron Diaz after her recent break up with um…well, whoever-Cameron-Diaz-is-dating-these-days? Where relationships are concerned I can't help but be a bit 'glass is half empty'. It's probably a self protection thing to prepare myself for the worst.

Interjecting for a moment on my insanity I have to say that Tel Aviv - fine upstanding chap that he is - has NEVER given me any cause for such worries, but I’m not one to let a little thing like reality get in the way of enjoying a ride on the emotional rollercoaster. Oh no, not on your Nelly!! I’m what you’d call a worrier you see; it’s just in my nature, we Geminis, we’re ruled by our nervous system. I worry about everything. I even worry when I've nothing to worry about; I tend to have a nagging feeling that I must have missed something. Oh and I also worry that I’ll get worry lines from the stress of all the worrying!!

Surprisingly there isn't a history of mental illness in the family and despite a few insecure niggles I’m actually a firm believer that there’s no point in worrying but that's easier said than done, and having not seen Tel Aviv for over two weeks over Christmas it was with trepidation that I opened an email from him on New Years Day. An email which began “while you were away I had some time to think about our relationship …”

Uh-oh!! I knew IT. Cameron Diaz has him in her clutches. That witch!!

“…and I think I’m falling for you”

Gosh, really? Wow!! Hurrah!!! I completely forgive the indiscretion with Cameron!!

“…I’m planning at some point to return to Israel. I fought for it and therefore I would like to return and raise my family there and I just don’t want to waste your time if that’s not an option for you”

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! Fuuuuuuuu………………!!!!!

Phew!!

Talk about mixed emotions!!

Anyway as he said its early days in the relationship, so it’s all contingent on whether we succeed as a couple, but I do appreciate his honesty, there’s never really a good time to mention these things and I can’t say the notion didn’t occur to me when we first started seeing each other, but I like Tel Aviv very much, so recently I’ve been pondering; could I do it, could I live in Israel?

Maybe!!

I’m not sure!!

I don’t know!!

I’m not dead set against the idea, I like Tel Aviv enough to continue with this relationship and see where it goes, but it’s a lot to think about, it’s going to take more than a few days to consider, but the obvious difficulties of moving to a foreign country immediately spring to mind, the language barrier for example. I only know four Hebrew words: layla and tov, which put together mean goodnight; nu, which means come on, as in hurry up, at least that’s the context which Tel Aviv uses it with me. When he’s hungry he uses it in triplicate, ‘nu nu nuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!’ and then there’s chutini, which is the Hebrew word for thong, as in the underwear as opposed to the footwear, well actually maybe it applies to both; I’m not sure. My mother was slightly appalled that I knew this. I know, I shouldn’t have mentioned it, but I couldn’t help it, I was drinking cabernet sauvignon and it just sort of came up in conversation.

“Normal people would know the words for ‘hello’ or perhaps ‘my name is so and so’, but not you, oh no, YOU…you know the Hebrew word for g-string, how charming!!”

Well you’ve got to start somewhere when learning a new language eh.

The other concern I’d have is what would I do for a job in Israel? If possible it would probably have to be an English speaking position, because I doubt I’ll be fluent in Hebrew anytime soon. I have terrible trouble rolling my R’s. R’s, I said R’s, not…oh never mind.

Hmmm!! Jobs, jobs, jobs!!

Oooooh…….I know, I’ll sell the movie rights to my blog, naturally for millions, and live a life of luxury by the beach in Tel Aviv. Hey, it’s possible. After all major studios have expressed an interest…

…It’s true!!

Well okay, I’ll admit that technically I haven’t exactly been approached. Not directly, but according to my Google Analytics tracking someone from Twentieth Century Fox spent a whole 2minutes and 3 seconds perusing 2pages of my blog just before Christmas, obviously looking for movie fodder, so I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before that knock on my door and there’s Richard Curtis with a big cheque. Yup, my life is just begging to be made into a movie, because not is there only the initial film which will be about………erm………(furrowed brow)………well, whatever, there’s also a follow up which would be called…can you guess???

Go on have a wild stab in the dark?

Yesssss!! That’s right…

FISH OUT OF WATER!!!!

Obviously!

Or FOOW as the studio would refer to it during production. FOOW would, of course, chart my - often comedic - attempts to come to terms with life in the Middle East. Kristin Scott Thomas could play me. Actually Kristin’s a bit posh to play me, but I’ve been told by 4 or 5 people – on independent occasions I might add - that I look like her, so who am I to quibble. I don’t see it myself, but if you stand 100yards away and look at me through your eyelashes I’ll admit there might be a passing resemblance.

Phew. Sorted!!

That was easy. I’m good at this; I should be a life coach.

Obviously I'm being silly, but joking aside I have a lot of thinking to do. There’s nothing like a relationship dilemma to kick off the New Year in style is there.

Photo of Jerusalem courtesy of Premasagar via Flickr

19 comments:

Dylan said...

Fish Out Of Water?! You need to be careful you don't get involved in intense copyright rows with the movie to my blog! Pah, everybody jumps on the bandwaggon these days...

Seriously though, that's great that the Christmas break hasn't made the heart grow less fond. And while you don't know where it's all going necessarily, it's good to know that he's thinking of you in terms of the future. And speaking from personal experience, where I moved 3458 miles to be with The Special One, I can recommend it heartily. If somebody means that much to you (and I know you don't know that yet) then geography or fear of the unknown shouldn't be an obstacle to you being together. Although you might want to have a think about what you call your blog when you're out there, as I'm not giving you Brit Out Of Water, OK?!

BOOW/Dylan

fishwithoutbicycle said...

Hey Dylan...Ooopsie!! Maybe i was subconsciously inspired by the name of your blog when i was considering the name of the sequel to my life's story ;-)

Seriously though I appreciate the note of support during my current emotional turmoil. Best, Fish

Kitty said...

aw...that's really sweet.

I hear amazing things about Israel, how beautiful it is, how yummy the food. The people are so spirited.

That's really sweet he was so up front and he brought it up. It didn't have to come up (how he'd planned on going back there) in some other, accidental way.

That's really wonderful. Really looks like nothing to worry about here (take it from a paranoid NYer afraid of the creaky sounds in her apartment).

Really, nothing but GOOD STUFF!!! Congrats!!! :-))

Ha Ha Sound said...

If it's any comfort, I'm the exact same way as you when it comes to relationships. There's no worse time to start dating somebody than right before a major holiday, because it has the potential to kill the momentum or one of you goes home and sees an ex at the local bar or... something. I, too, can be my own worst enemy when it comes to this stuff.

As for moving, why does he have to move back. You both live in NYC, the most international city in the world. Can't he stay here with you and raise a bunch of guppies?

There's nothing but sand in Israel. Well, the falafel is probably pretty good over there, too. =+)

Amel's Realm said...

Ahhhhh...GOOD LUCK in making a decision. It's never easy, having to leave your job and move to a new country where you have to learn the language from zero...but if you think it's worth it, then go for it he he he he...

After all, I've done it myself HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE...

I think one good thing of moving to a new country where you don't speak the language is that you really learn more about yourself and you get stretched out WAY beyond your comfort zone...which is good he he he he...but you've gotta do it with an absolute conviction...no regrets...well, you moved from England to New York, so I bet you know already how tough it can be...but how exciting it can be, as well.

If you decide on moving to Israel, I hope you'll find a GOOD job there soon. I guess if Tel Aviv lives in a big city, it shouldn't be too hard to find a job for you (with all your working experiences and stuff), right?

I'm crossing my fingers for you HE HE HE HE HE HE...I like Tel Aviv's honesty, as well. :-))))

fishwithoutbicycle said...

Hi Kitty, thanks for stopping by. I agree that it was great of Tel Aviv to be so honest about his plans. He's a good guy.

Ha Ha, you don't know how relieved I am to know there is a fellow nutcase in town when it comes to relationships :-) Unfortunately staying in NY is not an option for Tel Aviv - it's the falafels calling - they're just too awesome :-)

Hi Amel, I was wondering about your perspective given you've gone through this yourself and I wholeheartedly agree that it's good to move out of my comfort zone from time to time - scary as hell, but good :-)

Amel's Realm said...

Oh yeah, scary as hell is the appropriate way to say it ha ha ha ha...but it's an adventure, as well. :-))))

thewishfulwriter said...

i am so guilty of being my own worst enemy when it comes to overthinking things.

I think Apes likes to call this: awful-izing.

Even before something has the chance to go wrong, I've thought of a hundred different ways it COULD go wrong.

Of course, on the upside, I tend to also brainstorm solutions.

It's tough, just riding things out and letting the chips fall where they may, but I think that's what I'd do right now if I were you.

I think he was right to be upfront about his desire to move back - it wouldn't seem fair to get super serious without you having a chance to think about whether or not you might be ready to make such a big move.

True love figures all that stuff out. Hell, it got me to move to Virginia... :)

Blur Ting said...

That was such an entertaining read. I wish I could write so well! I used to worry about my relationship with CH too, like if he'll get bored with me etc but time and again, he set my thinking on the right track again. I guess we women can be so insecure!

Moving away to a new place is always an exciting thought! But then again, there's so much to think about but I believe ultimately love will conquer all. So if you eventually move to Israel, I would say that your love for him is very strong.

sid said...

He emailed you to say that he thinks he is falling for you? That's so sweet. Giving up everything that you know and love can be so scary.

Flowers On A Friday said...

isn't it wonderful to have choices! how exciting.

pros and cons etc etc. wonderful. i'm sure you'll have fun making the decision and fun living it.

Flowers On A Friday said...

hey fish
forgot to say earlier....you've been tagged! happy new year!

fishwithoutbicycle said...

Thanks for the supportive comments everyone, it helps a lot.

Heather - glad things worked out with the Blemish thing. It helps to know I am not the only worrier out there. I think it's a self protection thing, but I think it can be positive side in that it can stop you taking the relationship for granted, but you are right that I need to just wait and see how things fall.

Hi Blur Ting, thanks for the lovely compliment on my writing. I agree wholeheartedly that true love can conquer all, so we shall see what develops :-)

Hi Sid, yes it was very sweet of him, the idea of moving IS scary, but also kind of exciting too.

Hi Flowers, yes it is exciting, scary but exciting. Who knows what will happen, but sometimes you have to jump in with both feet.

Agnes Mildew said...

OK, I never spent time in Israel, but I lived for almost 8 years in Oman. Similar way of life - very easy-going: populated by Christians and Muslims...both respect each other, unlike Western Societies...

I would say, most definitely, go for it. You will thrive on that way of life. Where work is concerned, study for a TEFL qualification, or do online marketing and get your Google Adwords qual (I can help you with that!!). The world is your oyster, my dear, and I applaud your consideration of your future: you have not dismissed it, you have embraced the potential!

Go for it!

Life is way too short!

fishwithoutbicycle said...

Thanks Agnes, I remember you lived in the Middle East, so I was hoping for the benefit of your wisdom. I'm definitely giving it serious thought. Thanks again,Fish

Kitty said...

How many times did I type 'really' in my comment?

geesh!?

fishwithoutbicycle said...

Hi Kitty, ha, I never noticed the 'reallys' until I reread your comment just now. I overuse the words 'anyway' and 'actually' all the time. Have a good weekend :-)

Noah J. Austin said...

Hi Fish. I've been out of action for a bit, mostly comatose from too much chocolate/alcohol/chocolate flavoured alcohol. But I'm back and blogging. NY's resolution...write more. There's enough drama to fill several novels. But it'll work out. Anyway, after that rant, I hope this year brings you greatness, love and happiness! xx

fishwithoutbicycle said...

Thanks Noah, you're such a sweetie. I was wondering where you'd got to. Looking forward to reading all your news on your blog. The very best to you, Fish