Friday, 18 January 2008

Dumpsville. Population: Me

So I haven't heard a peep from Tel Aviv in 2weeks. How weird is that? I went away for a fortnight at Christmas, came back at the end of December to an I-think-I'm-falling-for-you-but-do-you-think-you-could-move-to-Israel email, met him, albeit briefly, for a chat about things, exchanged a few emails on the situation and suggested we talk in person. "I'll call you" he said and since then....nada!!


Do you think the whole "I think I'm falling for you, but for us to be together you'd have to move to Israel" thing was a ploy to end things that backfired when I actually said I'd consider it? Who knows, but the fact is I've seen him once, for 30minutes, in the past month. Whichever way you spin it, that's not a good sign.

Oh well. Next!!!

Seriously though, I'm very sad the relationship appears to have fizzled out, I like Tel Aviv a lot, he's a good guy, but I completely understand why he might be having second thoughts about us and if he doesn't want to talk because he doesn't see a future for us then so be it. I'll feel like shite for a while, but I'll survive. Sigh!! Cue Gloria Gaynor.

At least work is keeping my mind off things. Can you believe I've only been back a couple of weeks and I've already put in a few 14hour days. Urgle!! Thankfully it's a three day weekend in the US, so I am very much looking forward catching up on my sleep and getting back into going to the gym. I feel so lumpy at the moment. It's hard to believe that less than 6months ago I used to work out 5 or 6 times a week. No joke!! Recently I've been lucky to get to the gym once a week, but I'm hoping to change all that starting this weekend. I survived cardio kickbox class earlier today and plan to make yoga tomorrow morning and Pilates on Sunday. Wish me luck!!

Other than working out I have a lot of movie going and catching up with friends planned for the weekend. I'm movie mad at the moment, I think it's partially to do with trying to keep my spending down as much as possible until I fully recover from the expense of Christmas and also wanting to catch as many movies as I can before the Oscars on February 24th. Tomorrow my friend Lauren and I are going to see "The Savages" - I love Laura Linney - a movie about a pair of siblings facing "the realities of familial responsibility as they begin to care for their ailing father", that's according to IMDB anyway, and then on Monday I have a ticket for "Taxi To The Dark Side" at the Angelika cinema downtown. I was dithering between that and "No Country For Old Men" which has had rave reviews, I hear Javier Bardem is excellent in it, he's also a one man testament to the power of a good haircut....

Exhibit A M'lud: Eeeeeek. Run away, run away

Exhibit B: A definite improvement, but a bit heavy on the footie player chic a la David Ginola circa 1997

Exhibit C: Whoa, I wouldn’t say no, would you? Phew….fanning self…throw some iced water on me quickly please!! No wonder Penelope Cruz is allegedly smitten.

Case closed!!

Unfortunately I had second thoughts about seeing the film whilst listening to a review by James King on Radio1 today when he described the film as being "punctured by moments of extreme violence." Oo-er!! I think I'm probably of a far too squeamish disposition to sit through it after hearing that, especially after my
Eastern Promises experience, so instead I'm going to see a documentary; a documentary about the death of a civilian Afghan taxi driver at the hands of United States soldiers, a film that also "takes an unflinching and often disturbing look at the Bush administration’s torture policy."

Obviously I'm going for a movie with a feel good factor!!!

I really don't know what I was thinking when I bought the ticket. Something tells me I could be potentially spending a lot of time with my hands over my eyes at the Angelika on Monday. Probably not the wisest movie choice for me, but then again it does me good to have my eyes opened to what's really going on in the world and I thought looked interesting when I saw a trailer for it before the screening of Persepolis (excellent movie) last weekend. Maybe I'll balance things out by catching a showing of 'Enchanted' afterwards ;-)


Kitty said...

Oh my. Hello. Javier looks a bit like Robert Downey Jr. Yum!!!! I love the imperfectly good looking look. There's nothing like it.

Well hon, I hope you're okay. I think guys have a hard time saying negative things to people they care about. Also, sometimes people have an easier time running away from things than taking chances. It's just fear and it sucks.

I'm so sorry about it. I had such high hopes. Damn. I can't tell you though, how good going to the gym is during such times. There's nothing like kicking your own ass. Then after it's over you'll be more svelte and confident. Come spring, you'll be fighting them off.

Do take good care of yourself. I have to say, though that the story ain't over. Just when one leaves, another will come. I promise. It's hard to look that far, but it'll happen.

Huge hugs from me. Big ones.

fishwithoutbicycle said...

Thanks Kitty, your sweet comments are much appreciated. Hope you're recovering quickly from your cold. Hugs back, Fish x

Amel's Realm said...

Hi, Fish!

It's always tough when the other person seems to back down without any real closure. But he's missing A LOT by doing that, I tell yaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!

Well, all in all, at least he didn't lead you on when he was "in doubt" about the whole thing, even though he didn't give you real closure.

I agree with Kitty. When one door closes, another opens...and may he be the best one for you. used to work out 5-6 times a week? WOW!!! I really don't want to spend that much time exercising. The most exercise I do a week is only 3 times...mostly just twice ha ha ha ha ha...That says something about me, doesn't it? Lazy HI HI HI HI...

Anyway, ENJOY the movies! Boy, my eyes are SO tired right now...gonna go to sleep...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

patientanonymous said...

Okay, I'm going to be all arsey here...and you know I don't practise gender bias...

But I thought women were fickle!

Seriously though, I'm sorry things didn't work out. Or are in some state of "WTF!"/"Where did you go?" The latter is actually worse?

At least if someone gives you the heave ho or some kind of explanation or reason or something (even if it's a total line of bull) then you can move on. But if someone just drifts off into oblivion, gives you the silent treatment or whatever... That's a lot harder. You're kind of left in this bizarre netherworld.

That being said, perhaps you might get an answer? I know this situation. It's hard.

Take care, Pet.


fishwithoutbicycle said...

Hi Amel, thanks for your sweet comments. I do feel like I have closure on this one. Tel Aviv is looking for guarantees that I would move to Israel, a guarantee I can't give and be 100% truthful, because I just don't know and he doesn't want to repeat the same experience he had with a previous girlfriend. He just doesn't want to také the risk and although I don't believe anyone can honestly give him guarantees I do understand that he's just trying to protect himself. Fish xox

fishwithoutbicycle said...

Hi PA Poppet, thanks for your support, it means a lot. To be honest though I feel like I understand Tel Aviv's reasons for breaking things off, he just isn't prepared to také a risk on someone that might not follow through on moving to Israel. Of course no-one can really give you guarantees, but he has to learn that for himself, so I don't have any ill will towards him. He's a pretty good guy in general, unlike my ex before him who flat out told me he didn't owe me a word of explanation for our breakup, despite us being friends before we were dating. Nice. Welcome to my world of heterosexual dating ;-) Fish xox

pawpads said...

Bah! Blokes eh!

Amel's Realm said... he had a "bad" experience with his former girlfriend. Yeah, I understand it more now then. And I'm GLAD that you felt that you had closure. Closure is good he he he...

Anyway, I forgot to say that I watched Casino Royale two nights ago. At last!!! It WAS good. Not the typical Bond movie that I had expected. Probably 'coz it was the "first" story of him being Bond. :-))) I enjoyed it. :-)))

fishwithoutbicycle said...

Hi Pawpads, yup blokes. Can't live with 'em...:-)

Hi Amel, glad you liked Casino Royale, it's a good movie.

Flowers On A Friday said...

hey fish

well, you seem to have a hugely level-headed attitude towards all that's happened so i'm sure you'll bounce back in no time.

it's almost impossible not to speculate about what could happen with someone, however and unfortunately, that often makes things more difficult when they end.

it's our ability to invest in the possibilities of the future that make our relationships tingle.

you'll have that tingling feeling again soon. i have absolute confidence in that.

try putting on some funky music and dance-sliding in your socks around the kitchen. always cheers me up!

thewishfulwriter said...

i'm really sorry (and surprised) to hear that tel aviv hasn't at least called. you may be right that he never considered you might actually agree to a move, but it's still a very passive-aggressive way to deal with the situation.

it'd be a lot easier to respect him if he at least called and told you where he was in his thought process. the fact that he isn't able to do so is actually a pretty good sign that he's probably not ready for a healthy relationship anyway.

not that knowing that helps with the sting of a break up, i know.

hang in there girl. nothing like a bottle of wine, yoga and a few good flicks to raise your spirits :)

sid said...

I'm so sorry to hear about you and Tel Aviv. But I'm glad that you don't seem to bitter about the whole situation and are ready to take another chance at finding love. Good luck!

fishwithoutbicycle said...

Hi Flowers, thanks for the note of support. It's not my favourite situation, but it's all part and parcel of life eh.

I'm all for the dancing around to funky music, but I never tried the sock sliding. Maybe I'll give that a whirl today :-)

Hi Heather, I appreciate your note. I'm surprised at Tel Aviv, but I don't harbour any ill will. I understand it in a way. Anyway I've been taking your advice to drink wine...i had a little too much yesterday, so today I'm on the Gatorade ;-)

Hi Sid, thanks for stopping by. Yeah, I'm not bitter, break ups aren't the best, but they're part of life and what I learned from this relationship I'll také into the next :-)

patientanonymous said...

You know what, love? I'll tell you. Same in the land of "gayness" *laughs and winks back*


Get a fucking vibrator. Works for me.

Let's see if this one gets approved *laughs again*

fishwithoutbicycle said...

PA, your comment is 100% approved for making me laugh out loud :-)

patientanonymous said...

*laughing out loud back*

Do you like whisky? Sorry...totally off topic. But a good single malt. Can't beat it. Neat, though. My preference.

Actually, this is more "fit" *wink* for an email.

I'm sorry...

I just can't help it with you.

Want to swap photos?

I'm going to get a spanking from fish soon, I know it.


Either that or she's going to tell me to bugger off!


Oh...and just to again be an arsey prat, you know my insane, voluminous vacation time (if you have been reading.) I know you're busy but you are definitely adventurous.

So. When am I flying down. Probably best when it warms up a bit--for us both.

Okay, publish this now that I'm daring you to have PA come and stay with you! Or just duke it out with me via email.

I promise, I am a very good guest.

And I also promise (nice ego) you'll think I'm cute.


Or mabye cute too.

fish is going to kill me. But she won't. She loves PA.

*almost rolling on the floor at this point except she must take care of MacBook*

patientanonymous said...

Oh shit..I was laughing so hard I made a typo...


instead of "maybe?"

Damn. And I have two writing submissions that I have to get together.

I'd better stop thinking about fish or I'll NEVER be able to edit and proof!


fishwithoutbicycle said...

Aah PA, you're a mischievous minx, but I'm going to maintain my anonymity for a while longer :-) Good luck with your submissions. Fish x

Blur Ting said...

Oh no, so sad to hear that. Being in such a relationship can be such a heartache but being practical, it's better to call off now than later. Imagine if you had moved and all and it didn't work out...

You go on doing your 5x training a week and you'll feel so good with yourself, you'll be ready to go out and conquer the world (and dating market) in no time at all! You go girl!

fishwithoutbicycle said...

Hi Blur Ting, thanks for stopping by. I agree that it's better to break up now than later, but still I miss him a little right now, but it's good to have time to get back into going to the gym regularly :-) Hope the race went well this past weekend. Fish x

patientanonymous said...

Ah, you're a good egg fish. I try not to be the female Howard Stern of blogging or commenting (well my blog can get a bit crazy) but some, as you do, let me get away with a lot of crap.

Thanks for wishing me luck!


Blur Ting said...

I agree, you're a good fish (catch). Maybe you shouldn't be called fish without bicycle... you'll have your bicycle soon

fishwithoutbicycle said...

Thanks Blur Ting, you're so sweet however I'm kind of off the idea of cycling at the moment ;-)

Agnes Mildew said...

Aw sorry to read this post, Fish. It all seemed so lovely for you. I think Kitty is right, though - go and burn it all off at the gym, pound away on the treadmill and then come home, get some good plonk and watch Bridget Jones. I know it word for word these days and it helped me laugh at myself when I was pigged off with being single. And as soon as I got used to it, Mr Parsnip comes back on the scene. You just can never predict the future, can you?

fishwithoutbicycle said...

Hi Agnes, yes it's not great, I had hoped things would turn out better, but what can you do. Anyway I'm keeping my mind off things by hanging out and having fun with the girls. Just like Bridget in fact ;-)

Almost American said...

Oh, I remember those days! I thought Mr. Right would never turn up. I was very surprised when he did, and appreciate him that much more given that I can compare him to all the jerks I dated before him. He's Mr. Nice Guy - the bloke I would never have given a second glance to when I was in school. I was in my mid 30's when I found him - my family had given up all thought of me ever getting married. My mother used to tell people that I preferred being single. (NOT!)

Fish - all happens for a reason. A positive attitude helps. Consider the 'nice guys' as well as the cute guys. And don't let a relationship stop you from getting to the gym and looking after yourself!

fishwithoutbicycle said...

Hi Almost, thanks for stopping by. The thing is with me that I do go for the nice guy's, but I've picked a good few of them and discovered a hefty dose of arsehole under the surface ;-) As for Tel Aviv, well he is one of the good ones, but if he prefers to end things then there's not much I can do about it. I won't feel my best for a little while, but I like you I feel I'll appreciate Mr Right all the more when he finally does appear in my life :-) Have a great weekend and thanks again for stopping by and commenting.