Sunday, 5 August 2007

In need of the fashion police

There are few people who can carry off a skinny jean with panache in my opinion and I can honestly say that Sting is NOT among them. Yes he does look amazing for his age – Botox Botox Botox. That forehead, it’s smoother than a baby’s bum – and his body is in phenomenal shape, but that doesn’t mean he should be running around town in drainpipes and a cut away white t-shirt. There’s nary a teenage girl that can work that look, so it was a particularly ill advised ensemble for a man of Sting’s years.

Francesca: My word what IS he wearing?

Me: Hmmm it’s not a good look. It just screams mid-life crisis

Francesca: Seriously. Those pants are wayyyyyyyy too tight and the t-shirt is too short. The proportions are completely wrong. He should be wearing something looser, something that would accentuate his muscle tone, but in a less painted on manner. Linen pants maybe and a fitted t-shirt.

Me: You sound like such a fashionista, have you been watching “What Not to Wear” again? You’re completely right though; he'd look much better in something looser. He reminds me of Max Wall in that outfit (see top photo). Stage wear seems to be a problem for your average aging rock star. I remember when I saw U2 here a couple of years ago and Bono came out for the encore in a military style jacket and hat that made him look like a bus conductor. Dreadful!

Francesca: But then again Sting can apparently go at it all night.

Me: What’s that got to do with the price of fish? We’re talking about his fashion sense here, not shagging ability.

Why is it that every conversation about Sting eventually turns to his supposed tantric shagging? Sara said the same thing when I was relaying my story of his dire fashion sense to her at the movies yesterday – The Bourne Ultimatum. Sigh, Matt Damon as Jason Bourne. One word…phwooaaarggggghhhhhh!!! Now there’s a man than can get me thinking about sex. And do you know, I never thought that much of him until he did the Bourne movies, especially not when there was that whole episode of him supposedly dumping Minnie Driver live on Oprah a few years ago, but he's redeemed himself in my eyes and he’s definitely improved with age. Sigh. I’m sorry, just give me a moment will you while I go and fan myself down, maybe take a cold shower.

…that’s better, where was I? Oh yes, Sting and his tantric sex nonsense. Why are we so obsessed by that? All nighters/dayers are fine every once in a while, but it's something to be enjoyed as a treat and seriously who has the time. I bet Trudi Styler’s sick to death of him pawing her for tantric sex, I imagine the scene in their house goes something like this, “Gordon for fuck’s sake will you leave me alone, I’ve got to sort out the laundry, do the ironing and get to Pilates class. I've told you, we’ll have tantric sex at the weekend.” :-)


Amanda said...

Hee... love the words you put in Trudi's mouth about the tantric sex. They're probably accurate.

And the "Gordon"... hah! I'd forgotten that was his actual first name. Gotta love it that uber-cool Sting's name is "Gordon."

fishwithoutbicycle said...

Yesss, I like to imagine celebs are just like us, but in reality Trudi probably has a woman come in and do the ironing eh :-)

Thanks for stopping by Amanda!!

Anonymous said...

Lol, I thought the same thing about the Tantric sex. Who on earth has time to spend hours and hours at it?
Especially when you have kids ~ which I think they do.

Did you enjoy the show though?

fishwithoutbicycle said...

Hey Pawpads, yes the show was fun, although venues like Madison Sq Garden are not great for slower songs. They started to lose the audience a bit when they played "Bed's Too Big Without You". Better off sticking to Roxanne, Can't stand losing etc. The ones you can dance or sing along to.

Heather said...

hmmmm...perhaps the skinny jeans are his secret to tantric sex? Maybe there's something to keeping that thing crammed in a pair of skinny, it's just begging to be set free and get a lil' exercise?

i'm just saying...

fishwithoutbicycle said...

Interesting point you make Wishful. Do you think the skinny pants make it feral ;-)

Lisa Wines said...

After an hour or so, I'd be filin' my nails. Maybe after 10 minutes. Maybe right after I came. I mean, how much friction can one girl take?