Monday, 2 August 2010

I had my second first date with an OkCupid guy yesterday...

...or should that be second first pre-date since they are not really dates at this stage are they? They are more exploratory meetings to see whether you'd want to go on an actual first date with the person. Anyway this weekend's pre-date was native New Yorker J who is 42 and divorced and lives in Inwood at the northern tip of Manhattan.

Nice guy, but......well I just wasn't feeling the vibe. Of course it didn't help much that he was sporting a massive lip zit on our outing. There's nothing more off putting than a big lip zit when you are contemplating whether you could ever imagine snogging a guy a few dates down the line. Of course, had he looked like Chris Isaak I am sure I wouldn't have let anything so shallow as a little lip zit bother me, so I did try to overlook it and remind myself that it was a temporary facial blemish, but even then....I just couldn't see it happening between us. He'd also made zero effort on the sartorial front, which seems to be a common theme with the OkCupid men. Not that I expect someone to be suited and booted, but wearing something a bit nicer than the t-shirt it looks like your dog has been using for a blanket would be appreciated.

Not that I didn't have a nice time. J was relatively easy enough to talk - a few awkward pauses in conversation, but generally fine - but not especially dynamic. There was no banter and I find banter is definitely a plus for me on dates and pre-dates. I kind dynamism might not be his strong suit though from the way he was when we were trying to arrange our date and he made me do all the legwork in choosing where to meet.

"As long as it's on the west side I am fine with wherever you want to go" he said. My mother does that to me all the time and it can drive me crazy "I'm easy going" she'll say, why don't we just go where you want to go", putting all the pressure on me to come up with a place. Then when I do pick somewhere she'll be all "this is fine, but I really wouldn't have minded going to that place in Central Park."

"The Loeb Boathouse?"

"Is that the one by the lake? Yes that one."

"Why didn't you just say so in the first place?"

"Well, I didn't want to be a bother and you know me, I'm easy going."

Easy going my arse!! Anyway I suppose it's not J's fault that he reminded me of my mother, but that was the upshot of the situation and I honestly don't mind making a suggestion of where to meet, but I'd like it to be a two way street. Ideally I would have preferred it if he'd at least attempted to do some research given he was the one who suggested we meet in the first place, however he didn't seem like he knew the city very well despite his native status, a fact he seemed bizarrely proud of.

Nevertheless he seemed to enjoy my suggestion of 202 in Chelsea Market and he did buy me brunch which I thought was very nice of him. I always feel that on a pre-date there shouldn't be any obligation for the guy to be paying, although I know a lot of women expect that in New York. Being English I find I have a different attitude in that I am fine with paying my way on a date - I am all for equality - but I think that's a factor of how things were when I was growing up, since it was pretty common for dates to split the bill and I still feel that I should be contributing, so I offer, but I don't get belligerent about it if the guy insists. I don't think I caused too big a dent in his wallet though, since I ended up having the cheapest thing on the menu - $11 for the hammy-cheesy-eggy sandwich which was very nice, I'd definitely have it again - while he tucked into the full English breakfast they serve there. We took a brief walk on the Highline afterwards before we went out separate ways at the subway station on 8th Avenue and 14th street. I'm 99.9% sure I won't see him again.

After wards I headed home to catch up on some work - it never ends!!!!! I brought my laptop home this weekend to work on a few bits and pieces and had plans to crunch a data file I pulled from my clients' database via the laptop we have in the office that connects into their system. I'd FTP'd it to myself before leaving the building for monthly team drinks on Friday - one of those occasions I have to go to, because I am the holder of the credit card and the powers that be shout us the first drink which someone senior has to expense, although I really wasn't in the mood for anything other than collapsing in a heap on the sofa - however frustratingly as I settled in to get started I discovered that the file I'd sent to myself was empty, which was weird because I checked it on the client laptop before I left. I ended up working on the training course I'm going to be running for the team next quarter, which was kind of annoying as data crunching takes a lot less brain power than developing training materials and I could have achieved a lot while still keeping half an eye on the telly and kind of having some semblance of a Sunday evening, but instead I had to focus and now here I am again, back in frigging work and re-FTPing the data to myself. Work just never seems to end at the moment.


Ruth said...

First dates can be so aweful sometimes. My most recent first date actually went very well. I was nervous at first, but 10 minutes into it we were talking like old friend. We had such a good time, we went out to dinner after the movies and sat and taked for another couple hours. Then we came home (my home, that is) and sat at the table talking for another hour. That was over 6 months ago = we're still dating.

fishwithoutbicycle said...

Good for you Ruth that's great that you hit it off so quickly. My first dates haven't been awful, but they haven't made me interested in a second date either.

Amel said...

Oh dear...too much work, eh? Too bad...anyway, hope you'll meet guys who share more chemistry with you then - whether from OKCupid or not, whether they're going to be just friends or more. :-)))

Kitty said...

oh boy. I'm in the exact same place, on the little treadmill, though my treadmill is not turning nearly as quickly as yours. Thank goodness!!

It does never end, which is why having alone time or scheduling fun things (more fun than 1st dates) is crucial. You've been good at keeping up the social part.

What a schlub that guy was? What type of dating site is this? Mark and I met on Nerve. Not sure if it's still semi-edgy but I had a few first dates there and the guys were definitely more appearance-oriented than your fellow.

The 'good' thing is, there are tons of men in NY interested in their appearance and interested in having fun. I think it's more difficult to find a guy who will stop being a kid here.

Hope you can get a respite soon, Fish. I know the feeling of looking down the line and seeing no end in sight!

fishwithoutbicycle said...

Hi Amel, yes too much work as usual. It's exhausting at the moment, my small team are doing the work of 5 :-(

Hi Kitty, sorry to hear you are in the same boat work wise. At least I have my upcoming vacation to look forward to. Have a good one!!